As I sit here writing this blog on this Saturday morning, my family is laying a young family member to rest. He was only 26 and lost his life to senseless gun violence. This young man was my youngest kid's closest cousin and as they grieve, I grieve with them. I woke up today feeling so much sadness in my spirit. I want to take away the pain from my children but there is nothing I can do but be here for them in whatever way they need me. I often think about how it was when I was growing up. I remember conflict being handled through fights, but to just take out a weapon and take someone's life because you wanted to is so callous and different than how we handled things. Was there gun violence, yes, but for the most part it was for those of us who were wrapped up in that gang life, at least that is how I remember it. Folks got stabbed and hit with sticks and clubs, but not a lot of people were killed like this, so suddenly. He had his whole life ahead of him and now another young person will spend their whole life in prison because of a split-second terrible decision.
Grief is a deeply personal and complex experience that follows the loss of someone or something significant. I feel as if I have been suffering many losses since I first lost my grandpa Karch in 2010. I know loss is a part of life and we all take that final walk one day, but when it's a life who has so much more to live, it makes it a little harder to bear. Grief affects people in different ways, with no set timeline or "right" way to grieve. When we begin to understand grief we can help each other navigate our emotions and find healthy ways to heal.
We must remember that grief is not just sadness; it can include a mix of emotions such as anger, guilt, numbness, or even relief. These emotions may come in waves, sometimes unexpectedly. I was extremely emotional on the 13th of this month, as that was the 9th anniversary of my Grandma Soper's transition. I was sad again on the 18th of this month, as it my moms birthday and I lost her in 2017. I still miss them so much. I am left with so many beautiful memories and both her and mom are constantly with me. Even today March 30th is the 2 year anniversary of when I lost my fur baby Gina. Grieving is a natural response to loss, whether it's the passing of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or any major life change.
Let me tell you a little about the stages of grief.
Denial - Struggling to accept the reality of the loss.
Anger - Feeling frustration, resentment or blame.
Bargaining - Wishing things happened differently.
Depression- Deep sadness and withdrawal.
Acceptance- Finding peace and adjusting to the new reality.
Most people will not experience these stages in order, and most people will revisit them at different points in their healing journey. We must remember to extend each other grace in whatever stage we are in. Don't beat yourself up for how you feel and how you handle it. We all cope with grief in different ways. Just remember these few things when you are coping.
Allow Yourself to Feel - suppressing emotions can prolong grief. Acknowledge your feelings, whatever they may be.
Seek Support - talking to friends, family or a support group can help ease the burden.
Take Care of Yourself - prioritize rest, nutrition, and activities that bring you comfort.
Honor Your Loved One - creating a tribute or engaging in meaningful rituals can provide a sense of connection and closure.
Consider Professional Help - if grief feels overwhelming or unmanageable, therapy or counseling can provide valuable guidance.
Just know that grief has no deadline. Healing from grief takes time. Some wounds may never fully close, but with patients and self-compassion, life can regain meaning and joy. It's okay to grieve in your own way and at your own pace. Give yourself grace and continue your life the best way you know how. Cry, yell and scream if you need but. And if no one told you today, I want you to tell you, I LOVE YOU and I am HUGGING YOU TIGHTLY!
Sending you love, light and positive vibes,
Cassie K.
"Always remember to LIVE life to the fullest, to LAUGH at everything and to LOVE unconditionally!"
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